Granted: Scotland is now in North America.

I wish I could grow an awesome beard.

(I suspect Lord Goat started this thread to get some inspiration because he's DMing a D&D game, and plans on giving his players some means to obtain wishes.)

You're now a multi-millionaire

I wish I had my new PC :p

Granted: But i ate it all up :P

Wish: I wish there were more villains lurking around here....

Granted.It is even a new special model with lots of extras. Unfortunately, the insulation is much worse. You get electrocuted and burned.

I wish that humanity would become rational and reasonable!

Granted: you gain a 6 hour long sleeping pattern but fall into a coma

I wish I had a set of pyjamas that were themed by every Pixar movie.

Granted, but now 20th Century Disney rules the world with a four-fingered iron fist.

I wish bacon was good for your heart.

Granted: But they all die easy....

Wish: I wish i didn't get hooked to this game

Every pony is best at something! You just happen to be best at turning grass and water into stink and pee.

Which is what every pony does.

I wish I was less blue.

Be Well!
Fireheart

Granted. The dinosaurs are back. notears are now extinct.

I wish the markets around here had a better selection of goods and produce.

Granted. However you killed and/or mutilated all the engineers so no one else could have one, which turns out to be a bad decision as the first defects happen...
Meanwhile, we cephalopods take over the empire you founded, etablishing the Utopia of the Time of TENTACLES!

I wish for the Utopia of the Time of TENTACLES to arrive!

Granted. However, it falls victim to the repair measures for the Moon.

I wish that this City of Titans nonsense is given up for the one MMORPG worth playing:
CITY OF TENTACLES!

Granted however like many TNG episodes it glitches and you can't interact with what's going on the Holograms don't see you. You're like a ghost in their virtual world. you leave the holodeck and find your the last man on earth. The world was taken over by tentacles then devastated by fragments of the ruptured moon.

I wish I could shape shift.

Granted. However, the vampires now run Missing Worlds Media, and [i]you[/i] are sparkling!

I wish that capes and cloaks would be normal clothing again in real world Germany, so I can wear cloaks!

Granted, but it costs you your tv.

I wish people who drive 40 mph everywhere, including on motorways and in towns, were not allowed to drive.

Granted: But you're killed 2 sec later'

Wish: I wish i had a wish to come up with

Granted. You are sandwiched between two overacting actors who believe that being REALLY, REALLY LOUD makes for a more believable performance.

I wish I could cast some of the old AD&D cantrips, especially the ones that cleaned/swept an area and performed minor repairs.

Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of a brand new sonic screwdriver. Some strange robots are at your door with some inquiries about a certain doctor. They have an odd accent that makes everything they say sound like, "[i]Exterminate! Exterminate![/i]"

I wish that notears had a ham sandwich.

[br]
(I don't mean to hog the action, but you know that wish had my name all over it. >.> )

Granted. Now you are thrown into a supernova turning into a black hole.

I wish for eternal happiness [I] and [/I] a sandwich.

Granted. A bowl of Puffa Puffa Rice appears for every day since your childhood. Much of it has been sitting there, continuously, for a long time. You dare not investigate the bowls at the bottom of your great new environmental hazard.

I wish it was still the weekend.

Granted. Unfortunately, you become a real boy dying from a horrible disease.

I wish I would never have learned of City of Heroes and City of Titans and to have no interest in either game.

You know nothing else but the meaning of that song's ending now

I wish I was batman

Granted, but the only game you can go into is ET for the Atari 2600.

I wish I had a working stun gun with working batteries.

The Nightmare is a man of simple requests.

As you command. You find yourself in a glass bowl full of water, alongside the other plankton, looking over the shoulder of a sentient cockroach who is typing in this response.

I wish lightsabers were real.

Granted. Your spaceship has been impounded for double parking and the police are seeking its owner in relation to a hit and run accident involving a donutroid.

I wish someone would invent cold fusion already. Stupid, lazy scientists.

granted. Your phone is now a Nokia 3310 and the option to post on any forum no longer exists.

I wish superheroes and villains were real.

you are incinerated by the first supervillain

I wish for a fish sandwich

Granted. Instead of wishing for food notears now goes on the hunt for his meals. He has become a cannibal and has decided that a Knite, lettuce, and tomato sandwich would hit the spot.

I wish I had learned to play the piano.

Granted. You saw and played from within the test server. So for you, the closure was even worse for you...

I wish I had an army of monsters that will not betray me.

Granted. The world is in the thrall of aliens who do not tolerate violence. Even those who have violent thoughts are summarily executed. Ahhh, peace.

I wish I had a Star Trek style replicator. (Grocery shopping is for chumps.)

Granted. Outside the obvious horrors of wars, posterity will remember you as we remembered Hitler.

I wish to be omnipotent.

Granted. Your executive assistant turns out to be your double and he believes that you are his executive assistant.

I wish I had some fried calamari.

Granted. Joke's on you, there's less reality TV during all hours of the day! (What? You were expecting something else?)

I wish I knew who this Znarl[color=red]*[/color] character is and where I can get some of what he's smoking.

ETA: [color=red]*[/color] Ha! Caught it before the edit. I proclaim that my wish still counts!